Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Top tweets.

I just thought to myself, I haven't posted anything on my blog in a long time. I was thinking of something good to put up. But I drew a blank. Lifes kinda just chugging along, and nothing really exciting has happened lately worth writing. So I figured I would do what all good bloggers do. Take a collection of their "micro blogs" (i.e. tweets) and post them in one large post. So here we go. Feel free to plunge into my warped mind, or feel free to follow me on twitter (mace85).

When everything in a hospital beeps, all the time. How do you know which beeps are important? Is my pt in asystole or is my popcorn done?
8:48 AM Dec 4th, 2009 via UberTwitter

I am so happy, sunshine and roses are coming out of my ass. No really. PEOPLE ARE AWESOME !!!
7:04 AM Dec 4th, 2009 via UberTwitter

Today just feels like a .45acp kinda day... http://tweetphoto.com/5512054
12:48 PM Nov 28th, 2009 via UberTwitter

Absolutely stoked to hear that Vltor is going to release the BREN TEN !! Gotta get me one. In a Galco Miami Classic :-) Don Johnson anyone ?
9:50 AM Nov 27th, 2009 via UberTwitter

Walking into work a lady stops me to ask where the hospital is. Not even clocked in and getting asked dumb questions. I am screwed today.
8:04 AM Nov 27th, 2009 via UberTwitter

Ok. I swear for Educ. Reasons only. Does anyone have the pic of the meth user who is A&OX4 with his abdomen open in his yard?
6:21 PM Nov 25th, 2009 via UberTwitter

Steve West is a sexy bitch... Just saying... It had to be said...
12:02 PM Nov 25th, 2009 via UberTwitter

You know, under these clothes, I am completely naked....
10:33 AM Nov 23rd, 2009 via UberTwitter

I have a recycle bin by my desk that has a sign on it saying "do not use until program is in effect" with a bag over it. WTF?
8:01 AM Nov 23rd, 2009 via UberTwitter

New rule: Females over the age of 14 aren't allowed to talk about "texting a boy".
7:58 AM Nov 13th, 2009 via UberTwitter

"I am so full of happiness some sneaks out my butt-hole." If you have to ask you have no idea...
11:27 PM Nov 8th, 2009 via web

And of course my favorite series of tweets...

Health tip: Afraid of cavities? Wrap your teeth in aluminum foil and feel free to enjoy all the halloween candy you want!
1,257,013,764,000.00 via web

Health tip: Men afraid of catching an STD? Tie a loop of dental floss around your genitals tightly, leave for 4 days. 95% decrease in STD's
1,256,966,726,000.00 via web

Health tip: Hemmorrhoids ruining your drawers? Take some dry ice to the rectum. It's cooling and cauterizes those pesky bleeders!
1,256,951,072,000.00 via web

Health tip: Good news diabetics. You have to give up sugar. But you can drink as much beer as you want. Beer has no sugar!
1,256,943,799,000.00 via Seesmic
Hope everyone out there is finding my health tips fun and useful...
3:38 PM Oct 30th, 2009 via Seesmic

Health tip: Just had a stroke? Do what the pro's do. Take some Aspirin cut into your femoral artery and fish the clot out with a pipe snake
3:32 PM Oct 30th, 2009 via Seesmic

Health tip: Worried about catching H1N1? Take a lesson from contractors. Seal your mouth and nose with duct tape. No more airborne viruses!
2:52 PM Oct 30th, 2009 via web

Health tip: Constipated? Try foaming drain cleaner. Not only does it clear the blockage, but it cleans the walls of the pipes as well.
7:53 AM Oct 30th, 2009 via web

Todays health tip: Keep your eyes clean. Bleach removes that pesky film from your cornea.
6:09 AM Oct 30th, 2009 via web

Todays health tip: Keep your eyes clean. Bleach removes that pesky film from your cornea. And it sanitizes!!!
6:09 AM Oct 30th, 2009 via web